Bullying

Hello everyone-
I’ve condensed some stuff from Wikipedia,

Bullying

As the verb to bully is defined as simply "forcing one's way aggressively or by intimidation," the term may generally apply to any life experience where one is motivated primarily by intimidation instead of by more positive goals such as mutually shared interests and benefits. As such, any figure of authority or power which may use intimidation as a primary means of motivating others could rightfully be referred to as a bully. We each face the possibility of being bullied in any phase of our lives.

Typically, the bullying-cycle must include both an act of aggression on the part of a potential bully, and a response by a potential target that is perceived by both as a certain sign of submission. The cycle is most easily broken at its initial onset; however, it can also be broken at any later point in its progression by simply removing either one of its two essential ingredients. In the act of bullying, the bully attempts to make a public statement to the effect of: 'See me and fear me, I am so powerful that I have the ability to inflict pain upon the intended target at the time and manner of my choice without having to pay any consequences.' Should an intended target exhibit a 'defeated attitude' in response to chronic bullying, then the bullying is likely to continue.

Remember that this is not your fault. If you've been on the receiving end of bullying treatment for some time it's possible that you will be blaming yourself for how this person has reacted to you. However this is not true. Everyone is responsible for how they choose to treat others. Bullies feed off negative emotions, because deep down in some way they feel inferior/insecure about themselves and have a mental disorder, and it's only by making others feel bad that they can raise their self esteem. The adult bully is a coward.

No matter what people say, it is not your fault and you are the victim.

Know that you are better than your bully. Bullies are second class, and always have lower standards than their victims.

Often bullying takes place in the presence of a large group of relatively uninvolved bystanders. In many cases, it is the bully's ability to create the illusion that he or she has the support of the majority present that instills the fear of 'speaking out' in protestation of the bullying activities. In such groups a steady stream of injustices and abuses often becomes a regular and predictable experience. Bystanders to bullying activities are often unable to recognize the true cost that silence regarding the bullying activities has to both the individual and to the group. It is the general unwillingness of bystanders to expend the time, energy, careful planning, coordination with others, and usually the undertaking of a certain 'risk’ that bullies often rely upon in order to maintain their monopolies of power.
Such a toxic environment often remains as the status-quo for months, years, or even decades and becomes the accepted norm.
The reversal of such chronic and well entrenched bullying behavior sometimes requires a much more carefully planned, coordinated, determined, and multi-individual response from a would-be target than in a group in which either the 'bully mentality' may not (yet) prevail, or ideally in a group that may have already taken a pro-active preventative approach towards bullying.

End of the Wikipedia information. The full article has plenty more insightful stuff in it.

Is Lasqueti particularly bad for bullying? No cops, the “rebel” attitude that accompanies the pot culture?
We have freedom here, we can be as lovely as we want to be here, and, as terrible as we want.
Know any bullies? Of course you do. I bet people in some places don't know bullies, imagine that, not feeling like you're going to be intentionally hit by a vehicle if you go for a walk, etc.
In the beginning, I was astonished at the idea of being bullied. How can this possibly be? Adults don't get bullied? Right? I felt shame and confusion at being abused, and have been disgusted by the emotionally toxic environment I have been exposed to.
Well I’m over the shock and shame now, as well as most of my confusion.
The hardest part for me now seems to be learning how to do the right thing while remaining compassionate.
I believe it is our job to teach these people to behave in a civilized way and to mind their manners.
Have you been bullied? Are you being bullied?
What is- Justice?
And thanks to Brennan, Brennan and Moey. There are good people here.

“Why can’t we all just… get along?” quote from the movie- “Invaders From Mars”

Chris Delgatty
chrisprometheus [at] gmail [dot] com

Comments

In the interests of a healthy community...

Chris, thanks for having the guts to confront such an important & personally painful topic. I hope we can all continue this conversation as a community.

I agree with Chris that bullying is definitely a problem here on Lasqueti. I think part of the problem is that we're a bunch of rugged individualists - we take pride in this. But when it comes to seeing behaviour such as bullying, we collectively say, well, that's none of my business. We may gossip & mutter about it in the background, but don't take a stand. Maybe we don't want to take sides. Maybe we're afraid to get involved because we don't want to be bullied ourselves.

How do we, as the "bystanders" in Chris' article, effectively respond to this kind of thing? I think it's vital to do this compassionately, in a way that takes into account the needs and feelings of both the bully and the bullied. I don't have the answers, but it's something I've been thinking about, and I'd appreciate hearing others' thoughts as well. At the bottom our e-mail list it says "Together we can talk and solve our problems." How 'bout it?

Nalia

What to do about the bullies out here.....

Here's a quote from the book, "A Language Older Than Words", written by Derrick Jensen.

"There can be no real peace when living with someone who has already declared war, no peace but capitulation. And even that, as we see around us, doesn't lead to further peace but to further degradation and explotation. We're responsible not only for what we do, but also what is in our power to stop. Before we can speak of peace, we have to speak honestly of the war already going on, and we have to speak honestly of stopping, by any and all means possible, those who have declared war on the world, and on all of us. Those who destroy won't stop because we live peacefully, and they won't stop because we ask nicely. There is one and only one language they understand, and everyone here knows what it is. Yet we don't speak of it openly."

I used to question it, but now agree with it whole heartedly after one of the local deadbeats tried to sucker punch me at the Halloween dance last year while I was minding my own business talking to someone.

Currently I'm raising the awareness of every community memeber I know out here by talking to them about you assholes. We know who you are, we are talking about how to deal with you, and many people are watching you now. Take the hint and leave! Your kind is not welcome in any community, anywhere, ever.

Scott Stilling
scottstilling [at] msn [dot] com

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